Fearfully and wonderfully made

Hey guys, sorry I've been AWOL. You guys know the past couple of months has been a time of self discovery and growth. I also decided to fast to seek God to help me with a lot of the issues I had. Aside from food, I added facebook, blogging and talking to certain people to help me focus so that's why some of you haven't heard from me in a while. Well, I feel a lot more, a WHOLE lot more better than I did as a person. I'm over my hangups and finally able to move on from all the drama. It's been a hard journey to travel but it's gotten a lot easier to take meanwhile enjoying the sites as I travel it. I've learnt a couple of lessons along the way. One major one was knowing which doors to open, which ones to keep open and which ones to close - in fact weld shut. Lol...one of my friends added those doors you should bolt and run like hell from. But seriously though, some things I've come to realise are just not worth it. Some doors were easy to close, some were a lot harder but what I've come to believe is that no matter what the relationship whether just friendship or romantic, if it's meant to be it will eventually come to pass. Some doors I've left open and sometimes the closed doors open back up. Only time will tell.

I spent the last month going to weddings and looking at the people that got married and other friends that had been married and I came to the conclusion that I wanted to marry my friend. The other day I had a nightmare that I'd gotten married to someone but I wasnt really present at the wedding, just going through the motions. At every stage I was thinking that I had to stop the wedding from happening but didn't because all the plans had been made. Of course, I woke up and prayed against it from happening. That brings me to some of the things that have been adding laughter to my days...guys.

There are the guys from the past trying to make their comebacks and there are new guys. The one that sticks out from the past was one guy from '98. Yeah, that's right. We were really close then but I left for the states and we never really stayed in touch from then on. Well, he showed up on messenger the other day talking about how I need to forgive for whatever he'd done and be friends with him again but I couldnt and still can't for the life of me think of anything he'd done that'd have made me angry at him. He goes on that I was his first love and all and the least we can be is friends and what not. That who knows, we could make it interesting (whatever that means)...I don't know why people always try to turn the tables on you and make you out to be the bad guy.

A couple of the guys from my past at the time I was liking them say I made them think of marriage and it scared them so they kept their distance only for them to come telling me now that they wish they'd stuck with me and married me.

One of them just recently came to visit me. He's engaged to be married in December. Looked me in the face and seriously!!! said that he messed up cos he didnt want to abide by my "policy". H e wishes he'd just stuck it out. That he's not married yet, things can still change...lol...

Another one called me the other day, talk about he's going to be in town for business and pleasure, that can we should hook up. At that point I was just like, "Kai, I have suffered oh!!!".

As frustrating as it is to have guys that I liked, that walked away from me tell me all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, it makes me feel good knowing that I was doing something right, that I wasn't the one with the problems.

Then there's the guy that took my phone number the other day at a friend's son's 1st birthday. We didn't talk oh!!! He just saw me and collected my phone number and dude has been professing love to me. We've spoken once on the phone and since I've been offshore we've chatted on yahoo. He's called my friend numerous times to tell her to talk to me and convince me about him. That he really likes me and all. This I find hilarious that all this can happen with someone you dont even know. Everyone tells me I'm too short with guys and I should give them a chance so I'm just going to go on talking to these guys and really curious to see what will come out of it. Keeping an "open mind".

As funny as all this is to me, it feels good to be appreciated on whatever level and chased, which really is how it should be. Guys nowadays don't feel the need to chase anymore, they go for the girls who know how to "play the game". Then a couple of months later they find out they should have gone for the girl that knew her worth and stuck to her guns. That's why there's so many broken marriages cropping up amongst newlyweds. This is now the girl's thought process,"I'm not really attracted to him in anyway but he has a good job, car, house and he wants to marry me so why am I being picky, I'll eventually grow to love him". Then the guys are, "okay I'm ready to get married" and they just marry whomever they're with at the time. It's not about the person anymore or seeing your future with that person,It's all about the timing - I'm getting old, I need to get married now. I've thought about it and I'm happy I didn't get married before now cos I just wasnt ready for that kind of step. The relationship I have with whoever I marry has to built on a foundation of friendship first because that's what we'll have left once the novelty of marriage wears of. It would have to be someone I can do whatever with, do all my favorite things with, someone that make me laugh, someone that appreciates me for who I am, someone who just lets me be me, someone I can see myself growing old with. I want to marry my "anyway friend" - an anyway friend is the one person in your life who no matter what they say or do, no matter what they’ve been through with you, they love you anyway. I used to be scared of marriage but now I'm not anymore because I know whoever I marry will be the "one" and whatever life throws at us we'll be able to overcome together.

These past months have got me thinking especially with the guys from my past trying to make their comebacks. I'm like this pair of shoes (of course) let's say Christian Louboutins. Everyone walks in sees the shoes and loves them instantly, sees the price tag and freaks. Some of them walk out the store and don't turn back. There are those that keep coming in to see if they've gone on sale, yeah right. But there'll be that one person that will walk in, try the shoes on and realise that no matter what they couldnt leave the store without those shoes. Eventually, "he", wherever he is will come to that realisation and decide that he didn't want anyone else to have access to me. And what makes me think I'm all that and a bag of chips, a pair of Christian Louboutins? I am wonderfully and fearfully made.

The Inexperienced Fisherman

Two men went fishing. One was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. Everytime the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back. the experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing the man waste good fish. 'Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?' he asked. The inexperienced fisherman replied, 'I only have a small frying pan...'

Favourite Things - Happiness

I'm happy!!! Lol...It's the best feeling in the whole world. I've had to ask myself that question. What makes me happy? Ask yourself, what makes you happy?

For a long time my happiness was tied solely to people (friends & family), possessions (shoes, chocolate, etc) and disney...lol... Some people might say there's nothing wrong with that, but the truth is it's all about the extent of it.

Friends made me happy so whenever I was low or sad I'd go to them forgetting they were humans themselves. I'd overcrowd them, over burden them, love them too hard. After a while, they stop calling and avoiding me. So what did I do? Get sad and look for another person that would give me attention. But before I moved on, I'd keep on them until I got so hurt by their reaction, I'd back away but yet the cycle continued. Pathetic huh?

Family made me happy, I kept a happy exterior like everything was okay. Didn't tell them the truth about what I was going through so that they wouldnt feel bad or sad. 'Cause if they were sad I wouldnt be happy.

Chocolate, shoes, clothes made me happy. It got to the point that I had all kinds of shoes, clothes that I just got fed up. I'd go to a store sometimes and nothing would appeal to me because I already had something similar at home. When buying wasn't cutting it anymore, I resorted to sewing them to the point that I had an outfit to wear to church every sunday without repeating. Chocolate...well, I'll never have enough of that. But at a point I had boxes in my room and I'd eat one everyday to keep my spirits up. Not one whole box oh!!!...one piece.

Growing up, when my world was upside down TV was what made me happy. I guess that's where the love for disney also stemmed from. They always seemed so happy on TV.

Then when I came to my senses and started looking to God for my happiness, guess what I would do. Whenever He gave me something I asked for that gave me happiness, I'd question it and rationalize that it wasnt for me or it was too good to be true. Isn't it amazing how that works?

I was driving the other day to work with one of my friends and there was no traffic. You know what we did, we kept waiting for the traffic, wondering what went wrong that there was no traffic. We were like that until we got to work. You know how many mornings, I'd be praying for no traffic. Here we were, no traffic and we couldnt just enjoy it.

Another example is power supply. We hardly ever have constant power supply for 24 hrs. But whenever it happens that we have power, we wonder what went wrong with PHCN that we had power. Again instead of just enjoying it we rationalized that it was too good to be true.

How about us single people asking God for spouses. God brings someone to us that fits us like a glove and what do we do? Rationalize. He/she's not for me, I don't deserve to be with him/her, he/she deserves someone better, we go back to the types that are obviously wrong for us. Meanwhile what you asked for is right in front of you.

I said earlier that I tied my happiness to the number of friends I had. Well sometime last year, I realized I had friends that were actually making me unhappy and sorting through my friends and re-evaluating relationships really helped. There are some friends that I cut off completely, there are some that I don't hear from anymore but whenever they call I'm there, then finally there are the ones that I pray hard for. These are the ones that claim to be friends but really aren't. These I've had to keep at arms length so they don't jeopardize my happiness anymore.

After all these epiphanies, I finally came to the realization that I truly was the only one responsible for my own happiness and sadness. I started to move away from depending on my friends (God bless all of you for your love and patience, you know yourselves) and depending on God. It's hard but a wonderful place to be. Friends, family, chocolate, shoes still make me happy really happy but I'm at a place where if everything isn't "happy", I'm fine.

The one thing I need to work on is questioning/rationalizing when things go the way I wanted them to go. I always think that something would definitely go wrong instead of just enjoying it.

These past years since I got back have been great learning experiences. I've found out a lot about myself and I'm glad all this is happening now and not later. That way when the time comes for me and that special someone to take that step I'll be the best person I could possibly be and hopefully they'd be too...lol...

I know some of you are wondering when did this chick get so spiritual. Well, it's just the real me coming out I guess. I was in the wrong place in my life for a while, I got lost for a bit but now I've found my way back home and it feel's good to be back.

Next up, I'll tell you guys a little bit more about my friends that really and truly make me happy, the ones that could do now wrong in my eyes as a result of all the things we've been through together.

Until then, lotsa love, hugs and kisses. Muah!!!

Favorite Things - Shoes

So I've spent enough time talking about SP&B's time to move on to another subject - SHOES!!!

So during my course I saw a pair of Karen Millen shoes on sale and decided when I was done with the course I'd get the shoes. Well, after my little episode I was bent on going to get the shoes, as shoes always lifted my spirits. Only for me to get there and they didnt have my size, talk about depressing. Well, what did I do? Only what any other shoe-a-holic would do, I wrote down the addresses of the Karen Millen Stores in London and was going to go to each one until I found the shoes. That was the only store in Aberdeen and they werent available online. So once I got to London, with my notepad and my trusty tube map I started my search for the shoes. I'd gone to three stores without any luck when I got to the Karen Millen section of Selfridges. The lady there was really nice, they didnt have the shoes anymore but she went online to check who still had. There were two stores left but neither one of then picked up their phones. At this point I was ready to cry. Then the manager of one of the two store just happened to be there helping out there temporarily. She came up and said she was sure they had one pair left in her store and proceeded to call one of the girls there and guess what...yup...they were size 39. I was so excited I told her to tell them I'd be right there. She said I shouldnt rush that they'd hold it for me till the end of the day. Yeah right, like I'd wait any longer. I went over to the store and the lady there told me that she wasnt aware of any shoes being held, I almost collapsed. I insisted that I was there when the manager told them to hold the shoes. She went to the back to confirm and came out with the shoes. That had to be my happiest moment in 2010 maybe even in a long time.

You guys are probably rolling your eyes, like how could anyone go that far for shoes? Well, it all started with my first pair of heels that my mum got me when I was 5 or 6. The were black with white polka dot kitten heels with a bow in the front. I just loved the sound they made whenever I walked. I pretty much wore those shoes everywhere. That's how my love affair with shoes started. Now my outfits start with my shoes. Most people get the dress first, I get the shoes first. I like to get shoes that are different cos there's nothing worse than wearing the same shoes as someone else. I usually start with the heel, I like them embellished, different colours from the shoe. I have a lot of shoes but still need more for my collection. I want to be able to have a shoe for every outfit for every occasion. Just in case...lol...

So that's it, just incase you havent already guessed...I love shoes.

Favorite Things - Chocolate

My love affair started from the womb, as my mum has the worst sweet tooth in the whole world. The woman is about to be 60 and still eats chocolate like a five year old.

Growing up, I always had at least one of these in my “My Little Pony” lunch bag – smarties, choco-milo (Choc, choc choco-milo, choco milo, milo, milo…), cadbury’s éclairs and goody-goody (Goody-goody is back, sweet sweet flavour, something something sweet…). And then, my mum would bake and decorate the cakes with smarties. Whenever we travelled, we always came back with bags of chocolate and sweets. There was a time, they come to visit me in school in the states. We went grocery shopping, we were about to go check out and my mum says, “Something is missing”. I look at the overflowing cart, thinking we couldn’t have missed anything. She’s like, “there’s no chocolate”, so we go back to the chocolate aisle and buy at least five bags of different kinds of chocolate.

Over the years my chocolate addiction has built up to be quite expensive…. I still enjoy the occasional Bounty chocolate bar but my love is GODIVA chocolate. My addiction to SP&B’s makes this even worse. Whenever they fail me, GODIVA chocolate is there to nurse me back. For you to understand how bad it is, GODIVA is not sold in Nigeria, but I always have at least one box on reserve at home.

Lol…I just remembered a funny story. It was Valentine’s day, I was in high school then. It was closing time and some guys drove by while we were waiting outside for our parents. All of a sudden, one of them threw a bag towards one of my friends. In it was a mars and snickers bar, some bobby pins and pressed powder…Happy Valentines Day indeed… Guys, NEVER give a girl a chocolate bar for a gift. You can never go wrong with a box of chocolates.

I read somewhere once, I think in Cosmo, about the effect chocolate had on a woman. I didn’t really believe until I tasted freshly made GODIVA chocolate. It was at Schiphol airport (now my favourite airport in the world). Apparently, whenever the temperature is just right, they’ll bring a GODIVA chef that will make chocolate truffles right there...mmm,mmm good. The next best thing to that, is the day old chocolate sold in the walkway working toward gate E. The chocolates are made the previous day…hmm…heaven on earth.

I love all kinds of chocolates, white, milk or dark. I do not discriminate. White chocolates are a little too sweet, so I only use them when I bake. Dark chocolate is bitter but the healthier choice (depending on how much cocoa, the more the cocoa, the better…doesn’t that sound like D’banj). I use that mostly when I’m baking a chocolate cake. Now, even though I’m a lover of all chocolates, milk chocolate is my favourite, not too sweet, not bitter just right. My favourite cupcakes to make are white chocolate cupcakes. My brother is constantly bugging me to make more. My favourite chocolate cakes are German chocolate. Every single thing we celebrate in my house, we get the chocolate cake covered with chocolate scrapings from Goodies. My favourite boxed chocolates are Belgian chocolates, can’t wait to go visit the chocolate museum in Belgium. My favourite chocolate bar is Bounty…see…I’m an equal opportunity chocolate consumer. My favourite cereal…of course…coco pops. My favourite snack…yup...chocolate chip cookies. Favourite ice-cream…rocky road. Favourite Muffins…chocolate, chocolate chip muffins.

Last, but definitely not least is drinking chocolate. Growing up, if we were really hungry, my mum would give us Bournvita to drink. That would keep us until food was ready and it’s kinda stuck. In the morning, we’d have a cup or two of Bournvita to drink and it was quite filling as a substitute for breakfast. Lol…till now, if I get home late and haven’t had dinner or there’s no food and I’m too lazy to make something or also cos they say in order to keep your weight, no meals after 8:00 pm, I make myself a mug of Bournvita and I’m good for the night. But when it comes to hot chocolate, you can’t go wrong with Swiss Miss, extra chocolate with marshmallows. I always make sure to buy a couple of boxes…

So that’s my love affair with chocolate. Hope you enjoyed it. Next up...Chinese food...

Favourite Things - Six packs and Biceps

Six-packs and Biceps…let’s call it SP&B’s. This is one addiction that has brought me nothing but heartache. But like Amy Winehouse, they tried to make me go to rehab and I said no, no, no….

This addiction started when I moved to the states for college. I latched on to my first SP&B for two years. It was a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride. I latched on and wouldn’t let go like some lovesick puppy. In my defence, I was only 17 at the time. Yeah…young and stupid. Funny enough, he's now one of my best friends

SP&B no.2 didn’t actually start out as one, was a little skinny at first. Nothing really happened there. He’s one that will go down in the history books as “what if?”. It’s like you go to a store, see a dress or a pair of shoes. You’re not sure it would fit but you don’t try it on for fear of messing it up (like your feet are too dirty or smelly or your scared your deodorant would stain the dress). So all you can do is just look at pictures.

SP&B no.3, I met after I’d moved back to Nigeria. It was cool…we connected but it ended up that he had a girlfriend in the UK. Only for him to go around saying that I was confused and didn’t know what I wanted… And everything went downhill from there. Basically, every guy I’ve really been attracted to since then has been in some sort of a relationship. He’s married now

SP&B no. 4, I met through a friend/boyfriend at the time (that only lasted a weekend). He was engaged at the time and since I was in a “relationship” with his friend we just spoke casually. After a couple of months they called of the engagement. He was depressed and started calling me everyday. It was going good. His mum loved me, blah, blah, blah. Only for him, from nowhere, to say that he’d gotten back together with his ex-fiancée. For the first and last time in my life, I cursed someone out. I guess he was shocked that little, gentle me could react like that. He later confessed that he didn’t actually get back with her. I’m guessing he got cold feet plus my no-sex-till-marriage policy didn’t really sit well with him. The romance ended there but we remained friends after I got over it.

SP&B no.5, I met at work. He’s really cool. Had the bad guy thing working for him and we could just talk for hours on end. It also turned out that he had a girlfriend. I asked him why he would do whatever he was doing with me if he was in a relationship. His response was that he wasn’t married yet and that there was nothing wrong with him keeping his options open…lol… He also said that he wanted to come and take care of my plumbing and I kept turning him down. He’s married now with a baby girl. We’re still friends….

SP&B no.6, I met through a friend. He was her boyfriend’s friend. He wasn’t in a relationship at the time so that was good. We got along fine…he was different from the guy I’d dated. He was very protective and quite lovey dovey and the romantic bug hadn’t bitten me yet. Needless to say after about two months, I was already getting tried. My friend had broken up with her boyfriend cos he’d cheated on her. SO the boyfriend came to us to go beg her for him. Well we got there and met another friend there. So we’re talking and that how MY boyfriend starts going on about how “it’s a man’s world. Men are allowed to cheat. Women however cannot cheat, if they do they should be disgraced”…I didn’t say anything then. The girl we met was even like, “you’ll say that in front of your girlfriend” and he was like, “she’s okay”. I waited a couple of days after that to confront him. When I did, this was his response, “I don’t know why you’re making a big deal out of this, I’ll cheat on you after a year, it just wont hurt you cos you wouldn’t know”…lol…really, I must have had stupid written on my forehead at the time. I told him I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I couldn’t trust. He also wasn’t too pleased with my policy so I nkwo he’d definitely have cheated. A couple of people were like, “at least he was honest”. Yeah, he was but the attitude towards infidelity I couldn’t deal with.

SP&B no.7, I met while on a course in Holland. We got along very well. I think that was the most sappiest/romantic I’ve been. He had a son (I loveeeee kids) and wasn’t currently in a relationship. After the course, we had a farewell good enough for a romance novel and we were going to do it long distance. Only for me to travel to the states, I call him and he goes he and his girlfriend got back together. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A year later he’s still trying to make a comeback, that the mistake he made was telling me they’d gotten back together at the time. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That he was sorry if he hurt me (sorry for yourself) and that I should stop playing hard so that we could just move on.

SP&B no.8, is an addiction I cant seem to let go of. He’s such a cutie and really sweet. Age must have really softened me cos I was not really the sappy kind of girl. We’ve hung out, gone out on dates…and we get along very well. He said he really liked me but he never went further. My policy didn’t help matters either. For him, I think he’s just not at that place where he’d need to be in order to be in a serious relationship. Most guys tell me when they get to know me, they see marriage and it scares them cos they’re not at that point.

That bring us to the latest one, SP&B no.9. We get along great, we can talk about anything…just perfect. I catch myself checking my phone constantly to see if he sent me a text, or if he called and I’d missed it. Anything happens, he’s the first person I want to call…but there’s a problem…you guessed right. Yup, he has a girlfriend…so I guess I’ll just have to relax and not get in any deeper. And start coming down from the clouds. If nothing, he’d definitely be good to have as a friend.

There’ve been other guys that weren’t SP&B’s but if I told all the stories, it’d be 10 pages long.

It seems like everyone wants to sample the merchandise before purchasing. This ain't Burger King! You can't always have it your way! You know how you go to a store and you see a dress, shoe, whatever and you don’t need to try it on. You just know it’ll fit and you’ll feel great about it? I’m just like that dress waiting for the right person to step up.

So you’re thinking maybe she really needs to give up SP&B’s. My answer…No, no, no….lol… My addiction to SP&B’s always takes me to the next one in our instalment...CHOCOLATE!!!

Favorite Things - Family

So family…

My family was made up of my dad, mum, younger sister and brother until we lost my dad 8 yrs ago.

The last time my dad and I saw, he told me to make sure to take care of my family when he died. That no matter what happened, family was the most important thing and I should never let anything separate us. I basically told him to shut up…lol… If I’d known he knew what he was talking about, maybe I’d have been more compassionate…lol.

I’ve been through a whole lot in the past couple of years, more than most people know and I wouldn’t be where I am today without the three of them. So yes, family IS the most important thing

So basically, my mum and I have a three-fold relationship. She’s my mum, co-parent, friend. I really had to grow up fast. Moving back home was a battle. I’d been away from home for five years. Adjusting to not having my dad around was one of the hardest things, especially since I was known as my daddy’s baby. Now my mum and I have come to adjust to the new dynamic of our relationship. It took a lot of arguments and tears to get here.

So now I’m both a parent and a big sister to my siblings. It has taken me a while to figure out when to wear which hat. But sometimes, both hats merge like when it comes to girlfriends/ boyfriends… The thought just kills me, because of course no girl or guy is good enough for my brother or sister. I’m sure eventually I’ll get over that. My brother on the other hand would be happy with any guy that showed up and paid dowry to him.

Then there are my god babies. My goddaughter is 8 years old and my godson is a year. My goddaughter is my little princess. She loves anything Disney princesses. So of course, being the type of godmother, I’ve spoiled her with every Disney princess outfit. But now like every pre-teen, she’d added Hannah Montana and High School Musical to her favourites. Now she talks about Troy, how he’s cute and how she loves him and is going to marry him. Lord have mercy. My godson on the other hand is just a rambunctious tyrant. He terrorises everyone especially his parents. He’s gong through this biting phase now, he just bites everyone for no reason. Mealtimes are a battle for him and his mum. Everytime I’ve fed him though, he eats all his food. I guess, I’m not as affected by his tears as his mum is and he knows that…lol. But I’ve love d watching him grow and do new things. He’s started school now…so proud…sniff, sniff.

Talking about family, mums and tears. My friend and her son came home from the hospital for the first time yesterday. Some old lady from her mum’s side came over to bathe and massage her and the baby. Apparently, it’s a Yoruba thing. So first up was the baby. She put palm oil all over his body. This was to help remove all the dried blood and nasty stuff that babies come out of the womb with. Then it was followed up with a bath with black soap and koin-koin (that rough sponge grandmas brought from the village). Once they were done, he surprisingly looked a lot cuter and slept hard. I’m guessing all the crying tired him out and being his first bath in three days he must have felt a lot of relief. That was Phase 1. Then she massaged him with a washcloth dipped in hot water. She put his arms and legs to his back to help flexibility. She said it helps the girls put on their bras…lol. She then moved on to throwing him up, down, upside down and sideways. The whole time the boy would cry, sleep, cry, sleep. Whenever he cried you could tell it was hurting the parents, the rest of us were just enjoying the spectacle. Finally, he was done, dressed and placed in his cot. It was then my friends turn. I won’t really go into much detail on hers so I can keep this blog PG rated. She was massaged with hot water and mentholatum so the milk would flow and her stomach was massaged to ease the passing of the leftover blood clots in the womb. It was obviously really painful. For her to have gone through labour and STILL cry, it must have been painful.

Do you know the psycho thing though? In the midst of all the pain and the tears, I couldn’t help anticipating when it’d be my turn. I went home and narrated the whole story to my mum and asked which woman from the village would come to do mine…she said she was more than capable to do it. So, here I am excited about when I’d go through labour, have my babies and get massaged…lol. Psycho, I know….

Even though I love my mum, siblings, nephews, nieces and god babies to death, I’m still very eager to start my own family, my own brood like Angelina Jolie. Have my own house, with a big ol’ kitchen and backyard with swing sets and a pool. I’ve even played round with the thought of adopting as I’m not getting any younger and STILL as single as ever. That brings us to my next favourite thing instalment – six packs and biceps.

See y’all tomorrow…